Another Edition of New South Hunt Club

If you were attending Gaston Day in 2006, you may remember the publication of my book, New South Hunt Club. This book tells the story of a group of Gastonia businessmen who purchased more than 2000 acres, including 4 miles of beachfront, on Hilton Head Island and operated a fabled deer hunting club there from 1917 to 1967. Several current Gaston Day students (Bill Henry, Charles Henry and Micaela Smith) had grandfathers who were members of this club: the Hilton Head Agricultural Company. Through my friendship with George F. Henry, III, then Gaston Day School Board Chair, and particularly his parents, Dougie and George Henry, Jr., I was introduced to the history of this club and the Gastonia connection. Recognizing my interest, Dougie Henry gave me a fantastic collection of historic hunt club photographs. More than one hundred images in all.

With these photos as inspiration, I began to research the history of the hunt club. I interviewed surviving hunt club members and sought out published records. The David Belk Cannon Foundation, headquartered here in Gastonia, agreed to underwrite the cost of publication so long as the proceeds from book sales came to Gaston Day School. John F. Blair, Publisher, in Winston-Salem published the book in 2006 and, to my surprise, sales were brisk and the book was favorably reviewed in the South Carolina Magazine of History . In fact, sales were so brisk that the book sold out in just over four months, and Blair was reluctant to do another print run. Ever since, people have regularly asked me where they could find a new copy. Regrettably, my answer has always been that there are no more new copies available, and used copies are expensive and hard to find.

Until now. Last year, my wife Sarah Park and I decided to publish a new edition. Sarah Park, a graphic designer and writer, designed the book and published it using an on-line service. John F. Blair is distributing it. Copies are available on Amazon, locally at Medical Center Pharmacy (Gastonia) or People's Pharmacy (Clover), or from me. If you are interested in learning about this chapter of local history or you have a link to Hilton Head, you may enjoy reading my book.

Back from the North Carolina Independent School Heads Conference

Each year the North Carolina Association of Independent Schools (NCAIS) holds a conference for heads of school at Mid-Pines near Pinehurst and I attend. Best practice in independent school education is the focus, and fellowship with other heads of school is a side benefit. I find that I often learn as much from casual conversations with fellow heads between meetings as I do from the actual presentations. At this point in my tenure at Gaston Day, I have become friends with many other school heads, and the Mid-Pines Heads Conference is a welcomed opportunity to meet, visit, and compare notes.

Pat Bassett, Executive Director of the National Association of Independent Schools, was the keynote speaker this year. Pat is retiring from his position after a long and distinguished career as an independent-school educator. I particularly admire and respect Pat because he provided valuable advice to Gaston Day School on recruiting and enrollment management during my first years here. Pat Bassett is wise, forward thinking, and challenging. I always learn something from his talks.

This year, here are some of the things that stuck with me and that I will be discussing with my colleagues. First, mobile applications are joining web sites as a way for newcomers to find Gaston Day School. Schools are also beginning to post QR barcodes on printed publications so that readers with cameras on their cell phones can easily access web sites.

Pat noted that he was on a panel recently with two Ivy League college presidents and, as part of their program, they discussed the three greatest deficiencies that they see in incoming students. First is a lack of resiliency. According to the the presidents, schools and parents overprotect their children and, as a result, college freshmen are less adaptable, tough and resilient than those in the past. Second, too many students come to college with alcohol problems. High-school drinking is epidemic. Third, students come to college with poor writing skills. On this last point, I think Gaston Day School has every reason to feel good about how well we are preparing our students. Not only the writing awards we win, but the positive feedback we get from our graduates indicate that they are exceptionally well prepared to write in college.

Finally, Pat shared a survey given to a large number of high school students asking them what their parents wanted most for them. The number one answer was happiness. Followed by success. Being a caring and good person came in third. Bassett found these responses troubling. He suggested that an over emphasis on success makes our students anxious to the point of requiring therapy and medication (according to him 30-40% of all college students have to take medication for depression or anxiety while in college). He believes an over emphasis on happiness prevents our students from accepting the necessity and value of struggle and challenge. What do you want most for your children? After listening to Pat Bassett and thinking about his survey, what I want most for my own children and Gaston Day School students is for them to be responsible.

Living a responsible life requires sacrifice and commitment. Living a responsible life requires hard work and hard study. Living a responsible life requires concern for others. Living a responsible life means taking care of your health and cultivating enjoyable pursuits. I think Gaston Day's mission captures this in its last section. Here is our mission in full: "To educate our students, prepare them for success, and instill a desire to make a positive difference in family, community, and the world." The desire to make the world a better place reflects our sense of responsibility toward others.

Gaston County History

Gaston Day is producing a new web site and Martha Jayne Rhyne, Director of Admissions, has asked me to write a brief history of Gaston County so that out-of-town visitors will know more about us. Many of you may not know that my Ph.D is in history, that I was a Queens University of Charlotte College Professor before coming to Gaston Day, and that I am a state and local historian. Here is my first draft for the new web site. Feedback is welcomed.

Scotch-Irish, German and English pioneers settled the area that would become Gaston County in the 1740s, establishing homesteads, claiming old Catawba Indian fields, and clearing new land for farming. Agriculture would remain the primary occupation and source of livelihood until the 20^th century.

The American Revolution was particularly brutal and violent in Piedmont North Carolina as neighbors split evenly into patriots and loyalists, with resulting feuding and bloodshed. After the Revolution, settled life resumed. Several important changes occurred around 1800. Farmers began purchasing slaves and producing surplus crops for market. Religious revivals also erupted here and throughout the American South. As a result, Baptists and Methodists grew rapidly and surpassed older Presbyterian and Lutheran churches as the largest denominations.

Gaston County was created in 1846 when its territory was carved out of Lincoln County. Dallas became the first county seat and the center of political life. The original courthouse, the old jail, the Hoffman Hotel (now the Gaston Museum of Art and History), and several other buildings from this era survive in and around the Dallas square today.

Like most of North Carolina, the majority of Gaston County supported the Confederacy during the Civil War. Gaston County soldiers enlisted in large numbers, fought mainly in the Virginia theatre of the war, and sustained high casualties. Union victory brought an end to slavery. Tenant farming and share cropping became new sources of agricultural labor and funding.

The last quarter of the 19^th century saw agricultural prosperity return and the textile industry emerge. Powered first by water and then by hydro-electricity, cotton mills would grow throughout the first three-quarters of the 20^th century, and Gaston County would become a world center of textile manufacture. Many mill workers migrated from the mountains and Piedmont to work in Gaston County factories. Gastonia replaced Dallas as the new county seat in 1911.

With textile manufacturing as its primary source of wealth, Gaston County became an emblem of New South prosperity before and after World War I. The Great Depression devastated the local economy, which only fully recovered during World War II. While manufacturing boomed in the 1950s, family farms vanished. Few remain today although the Cotton Ginning Days Celebration each October in Dallas recalls our farming heritage.

The 1960s were a time economic expansion and social transformation as desegregation and integration brought full equality to African-Americans. Downtown Gastonia declined and shopping centers and mall proliferated. New residential developments were built farther and farther away from downtown. Gaston Day School was founded in 1967 as a group of local civic leaders founded a non-sectarian, college-preparatory school.

The years since 1990 have been a time of transition for Gaston County as textile manufacturing declined and relocated abroad. Fortunately, Gaston County is connected to and benefits from the Charlotte region’s dynamic economy. Belmont and Mt. Holly on the eastern fringe of Gaston County have become bedroom communities for Charlotte. Gastonia still balances its independent, local identity and growing involvement in the Charlotte metropolis.

What is Slow-Parenting?

GDS Lower School Head, Marianna Davis, forwarded me this April 8, 2009 blog from Lisa Belkin with The New York Times. Belkin's blog is called Motherlode. Both Marianna and I find much to be admired in the notion of Slow-Parenting and hope readers will find it thought provoking. The blog is reprinted here in its entirety.

---

What is Slow-Parenting?

By LISA BELKIN

A running theme on Motherlode is that life simply goes by too fast. Carl Honoré thinks he has the solution. He is the author of “The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed,” and, more recently, “Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting,” which is being re-released in paperback in the United States today.


Together the books have become a bible of sorts for those who are part of what has been dubbed the “Slow Parenting” movement, although, as Honoré will tell you in a moment (patience, patience), that is not his term.


He and I talked by email — Honoré home in London, me home in New York. The conversation, fittingly, meandered over several days. My questions and his answers were these:

LB: What is slow parenting?

CH: You know, the funny thing is that I don’t use the term “slow parenting” anywhere in Under Pressure. I felt it didn’t communicate all of the complexities and nuances of modern child rearing. It seems to me that today we are speeding up children too much in some ways (academic hot-housing, for example) while slowing them down too much in other ways (not letting them walk to school alone until they’re, um, 23).

That said, the phrase “slow parenting” has gained currency — and so I’m happy to use it.


I take it to mean “slow” in its broadest sense. My first book, “In Praise of Slowness,” examines how the world got stuck in fast-forward and chronicles a global trend towards putting on the brakes. That trend is called the Slow movement.

“Slow” in this context does not mean doing everything at a snail’s pace. It means doing everything at the right speed. That implies quality over quantity; real and meaningful human connections; being present and in the moment.


To me, Slow parenting is about bringing balance into the home. Children need to strive and struggle and stretch themselves, but that does not mean childhood should be a race. Slow parents give their children plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together. They accept that bending over backwards to give children the best of everything may not always be the best policy. Slow parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be.


Slow parents understand that child rearing should not be a cross between a competitive sport and product-development. It is not a project; it’s a journey. Slow parenting is about giving kids lots of love and attention with no conditions attached.


LB: How did we get this off track in the first place?

CH: We have stumbled into a unique moment in the history of childhood where we feel immense pressure to give our children the best of everything and make them the best at everything – to give them a “perfect” childhood.

We got here because a number of trends have converged at the same time to produce a cultural perfect storm. The rise of globalization has brought more competition and uncertainty to the workplace – which makes us more anxious about equipping our kids for adult life. The consumer culture has reached a kind of apotheosis in recent years and the net effect is to create a culture of soaring expectations: we now want perfect teeth, perfect hair, a perfect body, perfect vacations, a perfect home – and perfect children to round off the portrait.


Demographics have also changed in ways never seen before in history. Smaller families mean we have more time and money to lavish on each child. Parents are more anxious because small families give them less experience of parenting and put their genetic eggs in fewer baskets. Women are having babies much older than ever before, and that can add another layer of worry. If your first pregnancy comes at 38 or 39, then you may well have spent long years fretting over and planning for the child. And if something goes wrong you may not be able to have another one to make up for it. So there is a built-in anxiety from the start.


Parents of both genders are having kids older, or after many years in the workplace. As a result, we end up importing the office ethos into the home. We think, “Well, how can we parent better? Why don’t we do what we do at work when we want to improve our performance: bring in the experts, spend lots of money and put in long hard hours – we will professionalize parenting.”


The bottom line is that parents in this generation have lost their confidence. That makes us easy prey for companies hawking unnecessary tools for child rearing (helmets to protect two-year-olds from toddling injuries, anyone?). And very vulnerable to pressure from other parents (“What, you mean your child doesn’t have a tutor?!?”).

LB: Is the recession a possible reason for parents to slow down?

CH: The recession could play out in two ways.


It could cause parents to push their children even harder in the belief that the world has become still more competitive and if they fail to conquer Mandarin by their fourth birthday they can forget about going to college.


But I prefer the optimistic view, which is that this recession will force us all to rethink every aspect of our society – from the way we run the financial system to the way we consume to the way we raise our children.


When there is less money around, then signing up for every single extracurricular activity suddenly seems like a less attractive option. In these belt-tightening times, and after a period of wild and reckless spending, maybe people will start to rediscover the simple pleasures in life. For families, that means spending time together that does not revolve around buying stuff, following a schedule or building the perfect resume.


This transition will be hard because we are all so marinated in the idea that we have to push, polish and protect our kids with superhuman zeal. That we have to strain every sinew in our bodies, and stretch every dollar we earn to the breaking point, to give them the best of everything and make them the best at everything. But with time I think many parents will feel relieved that they have been liberated from the tyranny of supplying the perfect childhood.


Here in London where I live, one father I know lost his job in banking. The result was his two highly-scheduled children got yanked from most of their extracurricular activities. For several weeks he felt like a failure but last Sunday he woke up and realized that the family had a completely free day stretching out before them (instead of the usual manic dash to take the kids to multiple activities) – and he actually felt good about it. “I exhaled and it was like I was letting out a breath that I’d been holding for years,” he told me.

A Great Fall Season to Be a Spartan Athlete!

Great independent schools have strong athletic programs. Several years ago, the National Association of Independent Schools (the member association to which Gaston Day belongs) did a large study to identify early predictors of success in college. The results surprised me at first, but not so much upon further reflection. The number one predictor of college success was how early an independent-school student took their first algebra class--no real shock there since math is fundamental to a good education. But the number two predictor of college success had nothing to do with academics. Instead, the number two early predictor was participation in high school athletics. Athletics teaches self-discipline, goal setting, tireless preparation, competitiveness, resiliency, team work, and how to receive constructive criticism. These are qualities that lead to success in college and in life.

School athletics not only teach valuable life skills, they are vital to school spirit and student satisfaction. Teammates become friends and form important social bonds. Students celebrates athletics, and attending home games becomes a source of excitement and fun.

This fall sports season has been especially enjoyable. The boys varsity soccer team was one of the best in school history. The team was the first to ever advance to the NCISAA State 2A Soccer Tournament Final Four Playoffs, this year held in Fayetteville. Gaston Day School ultimately lost in the semi-finals to Carolina Friends School (Durham) 1-0 in overtime. It was a wonderful game that our team nearly won. I drove down to the game to be part of the excitement.

Earlier in my career here as head, Gaston Day's boys and girls varsity soccer teams rather routinely went to the 1A State Soccer Final Four. I always attended and began to take for granted that going to the Final Four was part of my annual school calender. Then Gaston Day's enrollment grew, and the school was promoted into the larger and more competitive 2A classification in state athletics. Suddenly, playing bigger and better schools, the GDS soccer team did not make the state playoffs for several years, and it dawned on me that I might never have the privilege of going again. It was sweet to be back, and I savored the whole experience as I drove down and watched the game at Fayetteville Academy. Those lean years have made me appreciate just how special it is to have a championship-caliber soccer team.

Our other fall sports also did well. Our Girls Varsity Volleyball team made the state playoffs for the first time in recent years. We hosted the 2A State Volleyball Tournament here at Gaston Day, and Athletic Director Casey Field, Assistant Athletic Director Josh Lutkus, and their colleagues delivered a first-rate event. The Girls Varsity Tennis Team is made up of very young and very talented players. Watch out for them in the next several years--I predict great things are ahead. And Coach Beth Allen produced another outstanding Varsity Cross Country team. Our middle school teams were strong across the board as well.

With eleven years of perspective, I believe this was one of the best fall sports seasons that we have ever had at Gaston Day. Congratulations to our coaches and athletes for providing the rest of the school with so many thrilling moments and happy memories. Now we turn to the winter season and basketball. More thrills and more fantastic games are on the way.

"The Reluctant Roughhouser"

Lawrence J. Cohen and Anthony T. DeBenedet, authors of The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It (Quirk, 2011) wrote the following article, which appears in the most recent issue of Independent School. I share it with you because I think it is important and because it recalls pleasant memories of roughhousing with Emily, Louisa and Isaac. Here is the article in its entirety. Hope you enjoy it. Perhaps it will inspire you to roughhouse.

Some parents are ready to roughhouse at the drop of a hat (or the whack of a pillow!). They know that horseplay builds closer relationships, helps children feel more comfortable in their bodies, and increases their ability to handle competition. Other parents see that roughhousing could be tons of fun--for someone else. They might be scared of injuries, or they might avoid roughhousing because they think it stirs kids up.

If you are worried about roughhousing, we hope you will reconsider after you read our tips for keeping it fun, safe, and under control; our warm-up routine to help you over your reluctance; and some simple games to get started.

* Extra enthusiasm: Be loud, wild, outrageous, and exuberant.
* Improvisation: Follow the flow. You might start with a pillow fight, move on to playful wrestling, and end with a game of chase.
* Keep it light. Get silly, lose your dignity, and fall over a lot.
* Make contact: Physical contact is the name of the game, even if it's frequent high-fives during non-roughhousing games like checkers or catch.
* Tune in: Make eye contact with your child. Notice and read his or her facial expressions. Does he or she need things toned down or revved up?
* Take breaks: Pause frequently (we like to shout, "banana!" which means everyone freeze). Pause for upset feelings and injuries--even imaginary injuries--but go back to the roughhousing as soon as everyone is ready. Pause for reminders about the rules (no necklocks, punching or kicking!).
* Start earlier: Roughousing calms children, rather than escalating them, as long as you start early enough that they can wind down on their own timetable, well before bedtime.

Here's a warm-up routine you can do with your child, your spouse, or a fellow reluctant roughhouser. Try each move for a few minutes or until you get the hang of it. Notice your feelings as you complete this exercise.

1. Stand face-to-face a foot apart and take turns loudly shouting, "Ha!" This gets everyone giggling and loosened up.
2. Hold your hands in front of you, elbows bent, a few inches from the other person's hands. Start moving slowly in a circle, or back and forth in a line, trying to feel the "force field" between your hands so that it feels like you are pushing or being pushed, even though there is no actual contact. Flow between leading and following.
3. Now touch palms, Keep elbows bent. Gradually push harder and harder, but exactly match your strength to each other, so that neither person moves, or you both move in a slow circle.
4. Add elements of competition. Try to get the other person of the mat or out the door. Keep elbows bent and avoid sudden shoves. Make it as much a dance as a competition.
5. Get on the carpet or a mat, on hands and knees next to each other, facing the same direction, shoulder to shoulder. Start to interact in slow motion, bumping into one another, flowing above and below each other.
6. Add an element of competition, stepping things up. Try to get the other person flat on the ground. When you do this with a child, let them win most of the time.

Finally, here a few roughhousing games to get you started.

* In The Sock Game, everyone gets on the floor with shoes off and socks one. On the count of three, grab for the other people's socks while trying to keep your own socks on.
*This game can flow easily into Incoming, a wilder game where everyone has a pile of rolled up socks that they use as missiles, like a dry indoor water balloon fight. Make sure to ham it up with loud sound effects and dramatic death scenes.
* Chase and miss is a simple game where you chase your child with goofy boasts, then trip and fall at the last moment, missing them.
With Bodylock, grab your child, claiming that they will never get away from you, then somehow they manage to squirm away.

Shrinking Privacy and the Challenge of Social Media

A recent article in the Gaston Gazette (Monday, Oct. 3, 2011) highlights the challenges that social media poses for everyone, and certainly for schools. Before turning to the main points of the article, let me begin with some observations on how privacy has shrunk in my eleven years as Head at Gaston Day. Before the advent and expansion of social media, youthful indiscretions--the kind that are part and parcel of growing up as a teenager--transpired either completely away from adult view or, when they did come to the attention of supervising adults (parents, teachers or school administrators), disciplinary consequences were handled quietly and with a minimum of public exposure. Those days are gone. Now teenage mishaps and mistakes are routinely shared on Facebook and quickly become a matter of public discussion and, at times, controversy. There is also a really good chance that the episode will end up in the newspaper.

Social media has made school culture and administrative decisions more transparent. Many parents welcome this transparency--until and unless the incident involves one of their own children. Personally, I regret the way in which social media has the potential to turn every adolescent mistake into a public embarrassment. Obviously, at one level, I also regret that every school crisis or misbehavior becomes a public black eye for Gaston Day School. But that's the way it is these days for every school. School administrators live with the sure and certain knowledge that social media will sooner or later bring some private transgression involving his or her school before the public. When times are good and our schools are calm and well behaved, we know it will not last forever. When someone makes a mistake--student, teacher, administrator--educators must quickly and correctly repond to the ensuing public debate, balance public demands and private considerations, and ride out the storm of controversy. Resilency has become a hallmark of educational administration. How quickly can a school bounce back from one Facebook controversy and resume a more stable learning environment? How many public controversies will surface this year?

If the loss of privacy as a result of social media only affected school administrators, then perhaps we could accept it as the cost of doing business. Unfortunately, it sometimes has terribly damaging consequences for our students and children. This brings me back to the Gazette article: "Experts: Sexting, Facebook can put students in danger." In that article, Sameer Hinduja, the co-director of Florida Atlantic University's Cyberbullying Research Center, states: "Many [young people] haven't set secure privacy settings on their profiles, and may not realize how easy it is for a Facebook friend to spread embarrassing content from a private profile. Add in impulsivity, multitasking and the ability to instantly post or text from a mobile device, and the results can be disastrous." According to Hinduja, "13% of children 11 to 18 [have] received a naked or semi-naked photo of someone from their school Nearly 8% admit sending a photo." When an embarrassing photo is shared on Facebook with nearly everyone who knows a teenager, the personal humiliation can be overwhelming to the point of desperation.

What can we do to protect our children from misusing social media? Here is a list of tips for safe online usage printed in the same Gazette article:

* Learn about and use the privacy and security settings on social networks. Consider restricting access to your page to a select group of people. For example, your friends from school, your club, your team, your community groups, or your family.

* Think twice before posting pictures you wouldn't want your parents or future employers to see.

* Be cautious about how much personal information you provide on social networking sites. The more information you post, the easier it may be for a hacker, thief of stalker to commit a crime.

* Install a security suite (antivirus, antispyware and firewall) that is set to update automatically.

* Use tools to manage the information you share with friends in different groups. If you're trying to create a public persona as a blogger or expert, create an open profile or a "fan" page that encourages broad participation and limits personal information. Use your personal profile for trusted friends.

* Let a friend know if he or she posts information about you that makes you uncomfortable.

* If someone is harrassing or threatening you, remove the person from your friends list, block the person, and report the incident to the site administrator.

* Make sure that your password is long, complex and combines letters, numerals and symbols. Ideally, you should use a different password for every online account you have.

* Be cautious about messages you receive on social networking sites that contain links. Even links that look like they come from friends can sometimes contain malware or be part of a phishing attack.

* Be aware people you meet online may be nothing like they describe themselves, and may not even be the gender they claim.

* Flirting with strangers online could have serious consequences. Because some people lie about who they really are, you never really know who you're dealing with.

                                                                                                        Source: Florida Atlantic University

Social media is here to stay and has so many positive features. Even so, there is also a risky, darker side. Parents should seriously discuss the responsible use of social media with their children. Parents also need to remain vigilant and supervise their childrens' use of social media to ensure safety. I hope the tips above are useful.